28 Oct
“It’s Not My Fault It Rains.”
An exclusive Interview with Jakarta Governor Fuzzy Bodoh. ©Jakartass
A press conference was scheduled for Tuesday at City Hall to discuss how the city administration hoped to avoid the chaos of the previous night when a mere 135 millimetres of rain brought the city to a standstill.
However, as your correspondent was the only member of the media able to attend – other journalists were apparently still trying to reach their homes – His Worship graciously consented to grant the following exclusive interview.
J Firstly, Guv, can you explain why only you and I are able to be here?
FB I'm glad you asked that J.
J Thank you, now moving on, there has been some criticism from Jakartans about the lack of progress in developing recreational facilities.
FB That's simply not true; we have adopted a multi-dimensional approach which is of benefit to all Jakartans.
J Could you give me an example?
FB Of course. There is an underpass at the Cawang Interchange in South Jakarta. When it rains it is available as a swimming pool and I have received many congratulatory messages from my fellow Jakartans because last night I waived all fees for its use.
J Yes, I heard about that from my son who enjoyed the facility for three and a half hours on his way home from school. He was having such a good time that he forgot to ring home and his supper got cold. Luckily, my wife had cooked a salad. However, several of my readers weren't quite as happy as Our Kid. After all, not everyone can swim.
FB I'm sorry to hear that, J. May I suggest that they learn how to swim so the next time it rains they can truly benefit?
J How do you answer your critics who say that your administration isn't geared up to provide swimming classes. For example, it's raining now and few Jakartans are geared up for it.
FB (laughing) It's not my fault it rains! Seriously though, I really do think that Jakartans need to introspect. They shouldn't embrace polytheism and immorality, and certainly not violate religious values. That only makes God angry. Jakartans only need to see what happened to the folk on the Mentawai islands this week to understand this. Can you imagine a tsunami sweeping down Jalan Thamrin?
It won't, of course; my administration regularly cleans the rubbish out of the drains so that tourists aren't inconvenienced. Mind you, my subordinates are lazy, which is why I'm asking for volunteers to clear up the clogged drainage systems in another 106 locations across the capital. My subordinates have been instructed to supervise work crews drawn from local communities, nearby prisons and leper colonies.
And if this doesn't work, then, I have done my duty in line with the work plan. Godammit, there's nought else I can do.
But it ends with a curse
Making life easy
But making it worse
Why Are We Sleeping by Kevin Ayres
Late news
A class action lawsuit has been launched against His Worship by Jakartans seeking Rp.79 trillion as compensation for their cold suppers. He said, "I am not worried by it. Not only is it their right but it's commendable that Jakartans are beginning to be decisive and to stand up for themselves. For those who can't, I promise to provide free swimming lessons."
from: Beritajakarta 28.10.2010
Governor Asked Not to Be Interfered with Public Criticisms
"Many criticisms from a number of parties related to the issues of flood and traffic jam in the capital are hoped not interfere with the programs planned by Jakarta Governor Fauzi Bowo and Vice Governor Prijanto. The city must stay to focus and concentrate on running the entire programs. Moreover, in the last three years, a number of achievements have been obtained.
“We ask Governor not to be influenced with the criticisms, and stay focus on his work,” said Dedi Yunindya, Chairman of Sahabat Demokrat organization.
Yunindya said, Jakarta Administration’s efforts in handling various issues of city, especially flood and traffic jam, have not fully succeeded. “Even so, we should be able to see clearly, not just criticize it," he told."
That's all folks…
I've been lampooning FB since even before he became Governor in the first direct (but still rigged) election for the position. (Can anyone name the Deputy Governor without googling?)
My starting point for this post was I read the quote above in the print edition of the Post and knew that I had to 'interview' him.
It was only when I was putting the finishing touches to my post that I came across this.
Jokes were posted online about the governor’s nickname, “Foke”, and making a mockery of his winning campaign slogan during the direct gubernatorial election in 2007, “Serahkan pada ahlinya” (Let the expert take over). The slogan referred to Fauzi’s more than 30 years’ experience in the administration and his scholarly record in city planning.
Other posts were more satirical, labeling Jakarta “the Venice of Asia”, highlighting the administration’s inability to tackle flooding. Pictures lampooning the Governor were also exchanged using the Internet and smart phone.
Well… well done on your interview. Perhaps you can corner SBY or Bakrie for a word or two or dig out the old Suharto interview you've kept secret for so long.
Re: the above
"The city must stay to focus and concentrate on running the entire programs. Moreover, in the last three years, a number of achievements have been obtained."
Do you not find that this is maximal? I surely hope that the city does stay. Can you imagine a Jakarta so bad that it must run from itself?
I think it was translated by Google.
ah, yes, the "foke" thing…it was a complete "foke-ing" joke! Or was that "the 'foke' is on you Jakarta!"