Jakartass Home thoughts from abroad. Alien thoughts from home.

I was first prescribed glasses when I was seven. I hadn’t realized that I had problems with my sight; after all I was an avid reader – and still am. Perhaps it was because the Welfare State, through its National Health Service, had to do something. If ‘they’ hadn’t, then life would have been very different for me.

Whether it would have been ‘better’, I cannot say, except to note that most folk wearing glasses seem to be less physically aggressive. After all, you wouldn’t hit someone wearing glasses, would you?

What I do know is that I would have been spared many traumas and might possibly have excelled in those sports I was merely good at. I might also have been able to pass the UK driving test which includes being able to read a license plate at some distance.

Kids being insensitive little brats, I was immediately called ‘Four-Eyes’. In the 50′s, they were “badges of disability“. I had to learn whole new routines, such as not putting my sticky fingers on the lenses, of remembering in the morning where I had put my glasses before falling asleep. Certain activities were not really feasible; these included not leaning over bridges or out of train windows, in case they dropped off and were irretrievable.

I always wanted ‘Buddy Holly’ glasses.

Recent research suggests that myopia, the technical term for short-sightedness, is a matter of genetics, embedded in one’s DNA. So what, I’m tempted to ask, it’s a bit late for me, but hey, if future generations can benefit from a tablet or two, then jolly good.

As the years passed, my eyesight worsened and the lenses grew thicker. I’ve always contended that this was because my eyes got lazy and adjusted to what was put in front of them. If I hadn’t worn glasses from such an early age, would I have really reached the state of near-blindness which arose earlier this year?

In July I had corrective surgery on my eyes, cataracts had developed so these were removed and plastic lenses inserted. To get around is so much easier now my eyes are naked. Why, I can even read the miniscule writing on bus destination boards. I can read this from a distance of two feet, but as this is an inconvenient distance for a book or newspaper, I now sport a pair of reading glasses at the end of my nose.

Something I’ve only recently noticed is that I can now work and ride in much colder environments. It’s not because I like the cold – I don’t – but previously I had problems in leaving the cold inside and entering the hot and humid outside. My glasses would invariably steam up and I’d spend up to a minute waiting for them to readjust. Often this involved me standing in harm’s way as I wiped the condensation off the lenses so I could then see where I wanted to go.

There are a few activities I’d like to try again, if I’m not already past it in chronological terms. For example, there’s snorkeling, or even diving. I used to unscrew the side pieces and put the lenses inside the mask, which always created problems in terms of the condensation which further clouded the sea’s spectacle.

Contact sports such as rugby could have been enjoyed; I went to a rugby playing school but had to go on boring long-distance runs instead. It was only later, at university that I played other team sports such as (field) hockey and football. Of course, heading the ball in the latter was a hazardous affair and I did have to buy several replacement pairs, but I had fun.

One activity which might have been improved is sex. A dozen years ago, ‘Er Indoors and I were guests at the out of town wedding of one of my colleagues. A hotel had been booked for our overnight stay and our room was especially decorated – with mirrors on all available surfaces, including the ceiling.

As noted earlier, it’s inadvisable to wear glasses during physical exertions.

So I couldn’t see a thing.
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All praise to the Jakarta Eye Centre.